Welcome to my website!Check out wiby.org
To be frank, I don't really know. Perhaps I wasn't even expecting visitors in the first place.
though I was kinda interested in old Internet stuff, which is quite different from the modern environment
Being of some purer substance, evoking a sense of nostalgia about the time when we cared less and hadn't yet got tired of life
A place where people share their simplest love of life, regardless of opinions
My ideas, creations and random thoughts are scattered everywhere in my life,
in notebooks, computer files, smart phone memos and pieces of maths papers.
Perhaps a website can sum this all up, keeping a record of my mind evolving through the days.
and even perhaps offering small delights to you through my works
My buddies in middle school(which happened a considerable time ago) used to talk in a weird way
and as my last name, which is "*&$#%", sounded like "Ben" in their tongue
they started calling me things like "big ben" and I genuinely liked them. Felt really intimate.
Then one day on chemistry class, there came up the benzene(in my language the word sounds exactly the same as Ben)
A random association was thus made
and with me considering cosmic as sth randomly cool
it just came into being. Just like that.
I live in a boring residential area in Shanghai, and I've been living here for the past 17 years of my life.
all around there's just rows and rows of tall apartment buildings deacades of age, crowded or empty or under construction
It's quite close to suburban farmlands, yet not far away from a riverside commercial center with a mall that I hardly visit
It is a place without a history, only the present, plus a little bit of unconvincingly promised future
I have been an incapable, incompetent, unindependent adolescent who naively dreamed of not choosing life and had no choice but to study hard.
I'm planning to be a less incapable, less incompetent, and independent human being who naively dreams of not choosing life and have no choice but to work hard.
Of course, I write things on my website. As I am right now, chilling at home on a schoolday thanks to that godsend fever XD.
I like to wander around on that nancy-boy-looking foldable bike of mine(better than those filthy, clunky and snaily shared bikes)
I like to feel wind in my hair, or simply the fun of exploring new areas of town and getting to mind-map the vicinity of my home
I like films, films of any time in history and many genres. I would watch one or two random films every weekend
my favourites include Bladerunner, the Great Lebowski, Trainspotting, Drive, and so on...
Sometimes, when I'm too tired to play videogames or simply sick of it, a film would be really nice
Sometimes I find beauty worth appreciating in my life, and elsetime don't. But I always knew it's there.
I used to write a lot about that kind of beauty, back in the time when I was cuddling in my childhood peacefulness
I think I had been a bit spoiled, given too much love. I wasn't hanging out with guys or simply going out somewhere at all
And I would go inside of myself, instead of out there. I read a lot. I sought words from the prototype of my immature mind.
Things moved on, in that same monotony; and I lived, in an unchanging kind of mindset, a naivety that we had all gone through.
Then, at some point, that insight seemed shallow to me. And now I see the world as a huge chaotic bubble, after all I've experienced.
Who knows which one's better, the past or the present? What I only know is that we're not given a choice
so why even talk about it in the first place?
...
uhh let's just get back from there.
I write a lot these days, a lot more than before. Mostly it's during the night sessions, done with an exausted and desperate soul.
I would write about anything, anything that pops up in my own wit, so as to keep convincing myself that I'm at least holding that final stand
The words have become hard and harsh.
when I actually take my own thoughts into sight, I feel alive. More alive than watching a film, than playing games and gulping lunch.
I feel alive when I ceate. Guess that's got something to do with self-consciousness